rules, rules, rules.

Living in another country is a terrific way to learn about oneself. Being uncomfortable and out of place puts one in a situation of constant pensive exploration. My inner monologue in Quito has begun to resemble something of a narcissistic three year old (hmm, aren't they all, simply by matter of development) as I stumble over which vowel renders a verb in the past tense and how to pronounce words that are over three syllables.
Alas, I have been saved from myself and my self correcting monologue day in and night out by my somewhat paranoid Ecuadorian mama, Jenny, who greets me in the morning with new and wondrous things to ponder as I stroll to work.

Mi hija, she says, Tienes que... and the list of rules grows.

Here are some of the gems:
1. Pee sitting down. Always. See sign above toilet in the rare chance that you forget this.
2. Always walk opposite of traffic in the case that someone tries to kidnap you and take you to Colombia in the back of their car.
3. Sleep with your window closed in the case that someone climbs over our 12 foot, razor topped fence, tiptoes around the guard dogs, avoids tripping the alarm and props a ladder against the house to enter your bedroom with a semi-automatic weapon.
4. Whenever possible, use bland curse words in place of more illustrative adjectives. It adds flavor and lets people know that you are not too good for them.
5. Drink coffee before sleeping so you will have more vibrant dreams. (this also helps if someone happens to climb through my window at night, as I will be alert and ready to spring into action).

AND should I forget myself and sink into any sort of wallow or daily rehashing of my grammar errors, I am quickly jolted out of the pit of despair by Jenny's favorite lived rule...

6. Yell, whenever possible, in order to communicate with others in your household. It is best if this yelling takes place between floors and early on weekend mornings.